Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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