I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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