I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
