another moral hangover. fuck.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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