wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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