I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want nice things and good sex
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
