Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
