Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
