I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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