I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
