does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
