I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
