you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
