Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
