You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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