he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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