in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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