I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
