remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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