after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
