I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
