Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
