their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's shark week go big or go home
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
