oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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