It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
