You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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