Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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