he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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