I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
