Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
