Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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