Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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