ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
