I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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