I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
