Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
