Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
