he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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