Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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