Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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