You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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