You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
