Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He shit in the fireplace
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
