dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
