I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
