you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
