is your mom at the bar?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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