You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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