I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
