Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
