she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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