Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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