shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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