she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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