sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
