dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
