Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drake has all the answers
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
