I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
