I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
