so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
